The following is excerpted from Aphasia by Mauro Javier Cárdenas. Nathan Knapp’s review of the novel can be found here.

All this, of course, Silvina reads, indeed his whole history, originated in the distant past, said Korin, and here Antonio rewinds the recording of Silvina reading from War & War by László Krasznahorkai, trying to remember where he’d recorded her, all this, of course, Silvina reads, indeed his whole history, originated in the distant past, said Korin, no, Antonio thinks, he can’t remember where he’d recorded her so he rewinds the recording to the beginning again, listening to Silvina’s voice again and thinking of Krapp’s Last Tape, which he’d seen once by himself when he was still twenty-five or twenty-two and once years later with Dora — we lay there without moving, Krapp hears himself say, but under us all moved, and moved us, gently, up and down, and from side to side [pause] — rewinding to the same part of the recording where Krapp talks about a woman lying stretched on the floorboards with her hands under her head, her eyes closed, the whole world moving under them, all this, of course, Silvina reads, indeed his whole history, originated in the distant past, said Korin, yes, Antonio thinks, he’d seen Krapp’s Last Tape twice: the first time he’d been twenty-five or twenty-two, his sister still a Senior Actuarial Associate in Baltimore, Dora and his former wife and Silvina still many years in the future, and because he was still trying to understand whether he could become a writer he was reading everything and attending so many performances for the first time, Waiting for Godot, for instance, Krapp’s Last Tape, both of them on the same weekend by the same theater troupe, and what he remembers of that first performance by the Gate Theatre from Dublin, almost fifteen years ago, aside from the audience laughing during the banana jokes, is the feeling that this rewinding business was as amazing a literary device as the letter writing in Herzog by Saul Bellow, and what he remembers of that second performance by the Cutting Ball Theater, eight or nine years later, is Dora reading his copy of Krapp’s Last Tape while smoking outside the theater before the performance, and Dora’s impassive presence in the audience next to him, and old Krapp so alone on the stage, passing the time before he dies by listening to tapes of himself as a young man talking about a woman whom he wishes to remember, again and again, we lay there without moving, Antonio can recite from memory, but under us all moved, which is how it had once been with Dora, with his former wife, with Silvina, although he can remember so few specifics about his time with Silvina, Silvina reading a 1,178-word sentence from War & War by László Krasznahorkai and laughing when she reached word 439 because the sentence was still going, pausing at word 839 to ask if he wanted her to keep going, of course I do, Antonio says, keep going, going on, call that going, call that on, listening to the recording of Silvina reading a sentence from War & War by László Krasznahorkai and hearing in the background the white noise of cars speeding by, which meant he’d recorded her on her temporary bed, in her second sublet apartment, near the off-ramp highway traffic, the windows in her room open because it was summer #7 still, Silvina outstretched on her bed in her cutoff jean shorts and a Motörhead T-shirt that was falling apart, her feet on my hands, Silvina & Antonio floating above the earth like Hari & Kris in Solaris, but unfortunately this is all that he can scrape out of this 6:17 recording of Silvina so he checks again to see if there’s any more recordings of Silvina in his iTalk app, yes, yes there is, a fifty-five-second unlabeled recording of him testing where to place the phone in his car because he was interviewing László Krasznahorkai that week while driving him around Los Angeles: this should work, he says, [turns down music from Messiaen’s Saint Francis of Assisi], can you talk a little bit while the car is running, hmmk so I, hmmk, she says, [in a Muppet voice], this is not really helpful, hmmk, he says, [in a Muppet voice, both laugh], let’s try again let me ask you a question when was the last time you were really fucked, he says, [he laughs], all right, she says, [in a tone of resignation], just kidding what’s your favorite book, he says, that’s a nice question, she says, I think you might have been there for it heeey, [both laugh], so I am seeing that girl I think on Sunday, she says, what are you talking about Sunday is my day, he says, you are just going to have to, you’re going to take a few hours off, she says, I am not sharing you with some girl who doesn’t want to hang out with us, he says, [she laughs], you just said you couldn’t blame her before you went on your death-wish spiral, and that’s it, Antonio thinks, fifty-five more seconds of Silvina on top of the 6:17 of her reading War & War by László Krasznahorkai — perhaps my best years are gone, Krapp hears himself say, when there was a chance of happiness, but I wouldn’t want them back, not with the fire in me now — Krapp should have recorded her instead of himself talking about her, Silvina — you think Krapp could withstand hearing her voice directly, Antonio? — all this, of course, Silvina reads, indeed his whole history [final time], originated in the distant past, said Korin, as far back as the time he first announced the fact that though an utterly mad world had made a madman of him, pure and simple, it didn’t mean that that is entirely what he was, for while it would have been stupid to deny that sooner or later, naturally enough, that was how he’d finish up, or rather, sooner or later, reach a state resembling madness, it was obvious that whatever might in fact happen, madness was not a particularly unfortunate condition that one should fear as being oppressive or threatening, a condition one should be frightened of, no, not in the least, or at least he personally was not scared of it, not for a moment, for it was simply a matter of fact, as he later explained, that one day the straw actually did break the camel’s back.

Excerpted from Aphasia by Mauro Javier Cárdenas. Published by Farrar, Straus and Giroux.

Copyright 2020 Mauro Javier Cárdenas. All rights reserved.

Mauro Javier Cárdenas is the author of Aphasia (2020) and The Revolutionaries Try Again (2016). In 2017, The Hay Festival included him in Bogotá39, a selection of the best young Latin American novelists.

Banner image: “Krapp,” by Simon James. Reproduced under a CC BY-SA 2.0 license.